My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
