Come see our sink grown plant.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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