Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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