She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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