In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
