just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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