omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
