I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
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