so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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