my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't deserve a penis
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
