Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
