Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
