Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
