By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
