you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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