i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
