spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
