theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
