So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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