awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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