we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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