There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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