You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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