oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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