I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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