Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
