Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
