Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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