I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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