He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
