Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
