I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize