Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
