At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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