That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
