You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
