Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
