You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize