I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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