Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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