I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
