just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
