Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
