Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
