life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
