Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
