Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
