You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
