so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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