And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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