Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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