I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You smell like stripper and shame
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Randomize
