I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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