I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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