I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
my poor anus
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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