when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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