Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
