i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
