I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
