i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my shit smells like andre
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
