does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
