So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
