i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
