I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
