mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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