the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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