she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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