you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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