I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
