You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
