sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
and she was petting her beer can
She just used a chaser for red wine.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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