My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
