You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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