this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
