someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
